Dean's list of selected clean jokes

GEEKY HUMOR
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?	Perhaps we would have more power if Engineer Scott connected your mouth to a generator, Doctor.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.	Sometimes I think the gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Real programmers can never tell the difference between Halloween and Christmas. After all, OCT 31 == DEC 25.	Did you hear about the computer programmer who was forever trapped in his shower? He was following the instructions, "Lather. Rinse. Repeat."
A true story from Richard Wiffen, a friend in Australia: One night, there was a "Star Trek: Generations" preview in Brisbane, filling up around 5 cinemas at one of those 8 multiplexes. Anyway, in our cinema, we were watching merrily away, when suddenly the image started to flicker, then blackness - no sound, no film. Of course, there were a few seconds of concerned murmoring from the 200 people in our particular cinema. And then it happened. Someone yelled, "Computer! Resume program!" Needless to say, the audience (which consisted of about 99% Trekkers, judging by how many people got a particular joke in the film) burst out with laughter. It was a good night, and a good film.

Miscellaneous one-liners
The Japanese have improved on bungee jumping. It's now cordless.	"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms." -- Groucho Marx
Make it idiot-proof and someoe will invent a better idiot.	"Personally , I think Yanni was well-named." - Me
As she hears the wedding march, three things are foremost in a bride's mind: aisle, altar, hymn.	Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste the way they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

Miscellaneous anecdotes
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."
The following bit of graffiti was supposedly seen on a hand drier in a public restroom: "Push button for a message from your congressman."

Miscellaneous anecdotes

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."

The following bit of graffiti was supposedly seen on a hand drier in a public restroom:

"Push button for a message from your congressman."

More clean jokes Return to Dean's home page